Agorafabulous

Finished Agorafabulous by Sara Benincasa.  I received a copy from the publisher.

Summary (from Goodreads):

“`I subscribe to the notion that if you can laugh at the shittiest moments in your life, you can transcend them. And if other people can laugh at your awful shit as well, then I guess you can officially call yourself a comedian.’

In Boston, a college student fears leaving her own room–even to use the toilet. In Pennsylvania, a meek personal assistant finally confronts a perpetually enraged gay spiritual guru. In Texas, a rookie high school teacher deals with her male student’s unusually, er, hard personal problem. Sara Benincasa has been that terrified student, that embattled employee, that confused teacher–and so much more. Her hilarious memoir chronicles her attempts to forge a wonderfully weird adulthood in the midst of her lifelong struggle with agoraphobia, depression, and unruly hair.

Relatable, unpretentious, and unsentimental, Agorafabulous! celebrates eccentricity, resilience, and the power of humor to light up even the darkest corners of our lives. (There are also some sexy parts, but they’re really awkward. Like really, really awkward.)”

This book is literally laugh out loud funny but as a disclaimer, there are also parts that will make you cringe.  (The first example is on the second page, and is the most disturbing depiction of suicide ever.  It’s not graphic but it’s such a horrible way to die that it stuck with me throughout the rest of the book—and will probably stick with me forever.)

Even besides being really funny, it’s also thought-provoking.  I always say that I’m about two steps away from being agoraphobic because I am such a hermit that it’s not even funny.  Turns out that if that’s true, those are two very important steps.

I admire Sara Benincasa so much for the things that she shares in this book.  She’s very willing to expose her life—even the parts that make her look…well, weird.  SO much respect for that, because I have such a hangup on how people perceive me.

Highly recommended.

Does Jesus Love Me?

Finished Does Jesus Love Me? by Jeff Chu.  I received a copy from the publisher on Edelweiss.

Summary (from Goodreads):

“When Jeff Chu came out to his parents as a gay man, his devout Christian mother cried. And cried. Every time she looked at him. For months. As a journalist and a believer, Chu knew that he had to get to the heart of a question that had been haunting him for years: Does Jesus really love me?

The quest to find an answer propels Chu on a remarkable cross-country journey to discover the God “forbidden to him” because of his sexuality. In this timely work—part memoir, part investigative analysis—he explores the explosive and confusing intersection of faith, politics, and sexuality in Christian America. Surveying the breadth of the political and theological spectrum, from the most conservative viewpoints to the most liberal, he tries to distill what the diverse followers of Christ believe about homosexuality and to understand how these people who purportedly follow the same God and the same Scriptures have come to hold such a wide range of opinions. Why does Pastor A believe that God hates me, especially because of my gayness? Why does Person B believe that God loves me, gayness and all?

From Brooklyn to Nashville to California, from Westboro Baptist Church and their god hates fags protest signs to the pioneering Episcopal bishop Mary Glasspool, who proclaims a message of liberation and divine love, Chu captures spiritual snapshots of Christian America at a remarkable moment, when tensions between both sides in the culture wars have rarely been higher. Both funny and heartbreaking, perplexing and wise, Does Jesus Really Love Me? is an intellectual, emotional, and spiritual pilgrimage that reveals a portrait of a faith and a nation at odds.”

This was such an incredibly powerful book, one that I think everyone should read.  It’s definitely aimed more at the specific “Gay Christian” niche, but I think that Christians who want to understand how it can feel to try and reconcile your sexuality and your faith would do well to read this book, too.

I wasn’t interviewed for this book but so many of the stories resonated with me.  I don’t think people understand how hurtful they can be, and I have nothing but respect for Jeff Chu, because he talked to some hateful people and extended them so much grace…I’m not sure how kind I would be in talking to Fred Phelps, but Jeff Chu is a freaking saint.

One thing that broke my heart about this book is how many gay people feel completely shunned by their respective churches and by Christianity.  And I completely understand.  I haven’t felt at home in many churches I’ve been to, and I think that many people could say the same.  I don’t know how Jesus feels about my sex life but I do think that if He has a problem with it, He’ll get around to letting me know.  I do believe, however, that the world would be a better place if people would let Jesus do the judging and maybe work on fixing their own lives before trying to fix mine.  (Yes, I realize that I can get quite judge-y myself and I am working on that.)

This book made me cry several times and also made me think and question my own stances on things.  It’s an amazing book and I hope to be more like Jeff Chu.  And I hope to remember that Jesus died for everyone, not just the people I like or agree with.  And hopefully that’ll make me be nicer to Fred Phelps, should we ever meet.

Highly, highly recommended.

BEA Survival Tips

This will be my fourth year attending BEA and so I thought it might be fun to talk about what to do in case you’re attending for the first time.  (And if not, try to go next year; it’s so fun!)

1)  COMFORTABLE SHOES.  Javits is huge and you will be on your feet for most of the day.  There are places to sit, but you’ll probably still be upright and moving for multiple hours and toting several books, as well.  Do all you can to help yourself out.

2)  Business cards!  Mine have my name (obviously), blog name and URL, address and Twitter and Facebook URLs, too.  Some people go back and forth over whether to include their address, but I feel like the less work publicists have to do, the more likely they are to help you. 

3)  Plan.  My BEA BFF Kathy and I have been planning for months now and since they’ve finally started releasing signing information, we have kicked that into overdrive.  Obviously not everybody is going to plan as thoroughly as we do, but it’s a good idea to have at least a basic idea of what you want to do each day (galleys you want; signings you must attend, etc.) so that you’re not running around completely overwhelmed.

4)  Accept the hard truth of BEA: you will not get everything you want.  This is where prioritizing comes into play.  This year, for example, Kendare Blake, Diana Peterfreund and Gretchen McNeil are all signing at more or less the same time.  And all are pretty likely to have ridiculous lines.  I will probably not be able to get all three, but I’m probably going to be able to get two. 

Banished

Finished Banished by Lauren Drain.  I received a copy from the publisher on Netgalley.  For more information on Lauren and her time with Westboro, click here.  Her Facebook page is here.

Summary (from Goodreads):

“You’ve likely heard of the WestboroBaptistChurch. Perhaps you’ve seen their pickets on the news, the members holding signs with messages that are too offensive to copy here, protesting at events such as the funerals of soldiers, the 9-year old victim of the recent Tucson shooting, and Elizabeth Edwards, all in front of their grieving families. The WBC is fervently anti-gay, anti-Semitic, and anti- practically everything and everyone. And they aren’t going anywhere: in March, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled in favor of the WBC’s right to picket funerals.

Since no organized religion will claim affiliation with the WBC, it’s perhaps more accurate to think of them as a cult. Lauren Drain was thrust into that cult at the age of 15, and then spat back out again seven years later. BANISHED is the first look inside the organization, as well as a fascinating story of adaptation and perseverance.

Lauren spent her early years enjoying a normal life with her family in Florida. But when her formerly liberal and secular father set out to produce a documentary about the WBC, his detached interest gradually evolved into fascination, and he moved the entire family to Kansas to join the church and live on their compound. Over the next seven years, Lauren fully assimilated their extreme beliefs, and became a member of the church and an active and vocal picketer. But as she matured and began to challenge some of the church’s tenets, she was unceremoniously cast out from the church and permanently cut off from her family and from everyone else she knew and loved. BANISHED is the story of Lauren’s fight to find herself amidst dramatic changes in a world of extremists and a life in exile.”

This is such a strange book to talk about.  It’s probably the most revealing insight into the Westboro Baptist Church but at the same time, I think it could’ve been better.  In particular, I wish Lauren Drain had been more open about certain things.  For example, she could’ve explained exactly why she agreed so readily with their doctrine.  Instead, she said, “It made sense to me” or similar things.

It’s also very obvious that a lot of the church’s appeal is the fact that her dad was so into the members.  She loved her dad and wanted their close relationship back, and the fastest way to do that is to really throw herself into their belief system.

The most interesting aspect of the book for me is in the fact that it shows the WBC members as people.  Yes, I am horrified by their behavior (and as a Christian, lesbian and human being, I think I am within my rights to feel that way) but there are other aspects to their personalities that aren’t readily available.  Shirley Phelps-Roper, for example, is also portrayed as one of the best mothers possible.  And I think that—while we obviously will never be friends—it’s important to remember that we’re all better than the worst things we’ve done.

Unlike her friend Megan Phelps-Roper, Lauren Drain didn’t leave the church.  Instead, she got thrown out.  But even so, I think her story is still one of bravery and strength.  Her choice wasn’t in whether or not to leave the church; it was how to learn to survive completely on her own, as well as how to essentially build her faith from the ground up.

Riding the Bus with my Sister

Finished Riding the Bus with my Sister by Rachel Simon.  I received a copy from the publisher on Netgalley.

Summary (from Goodreads):

“Rachel Simon’s sister Beth is a spirited woman who lives intensely and often joyfully, despite her intellectual disability. Beth spends her days riding the buses in her Pennsylvania city. The drivers, a lively group, are her mentors; her fellow passengers are her community. One day, Beth asked Rachel to accompany her on the buses for an entire year; the book is the chronicle of that remarkable time. Rachel, a writer and college teacher whose hyperbusy life camouflaged her emotional isolation, had much to learn in her sister’s extraordinary world. Here are life lessons from which every reader can profit: how to live in the moment, how to pay attention to what really matters, how to change, how to love�and how to slow down and enjoy the ride.

Simon elegantly braids together riveting memories of terrifying maternal abandonment, fierce sisterly loyalty, and astonishing forgiveness. She brings to light the almost invisible world of mental retardation, finds unlikely heroes in everyday life, and portrays her very special sister Beth as the endearing and indomitable person she is. This heartwarming book takes the reader on an inspirational journey, at once unique and universal.”

This is an anniversary edition with new content.  (There’s an essay from Beth and some “Where Are They Now?” material, for example, as well as resources and more information.)

This is one of those books that I had always meant to read, and I was very happy that Hachette allowed me to read this for review.  :)

I admire Rachel Simon so much for writing this book, because she’s very up front about her feelings and the fact that she’s not always a good sister to Beth.  (To be fair, I think she’s a better sister to Beth than a lot of people would be, because Beth—while undeniably an exuberant person who is full of life and generally a good, fun person to be around—is also sometimes a complete pain.  And since this is true for many people, including me, I don’t think this is because she happens to have intellectual disabilities.  I think it’s because she’s human.)

One noteworthy thing about this book—Beth is part of the first generation of people with developmental disabilities who weren’t just institutionalized as a matter of course.  Nowadays, of course, we wouldn’t even think about putting people away someplace.  But in generations prior, that was done.  It was so routine, in fact, that people didn’t even really debate it.  That’s what you did.  But that generation, it was more of a choice, I think.  And Beth’s family decided that she would live with them and do the things they did.  And that lesson was hammered home to Rachel and her siblings: we are not ashamed of Beth.

This is such an inspiring story and I’m glad it’s getting a re-release.

An Archive of Hope

Finished An Archive of Hope by Harvey Milk and edited by Jason Edward Black and Charles E. Morris III.  I received a copy from the publisher on Edelweiss.

This is a collection of speeches, letters and columns by Harvey Milk.  Before each selection, Black and Morris provide a context.  As such, this is a scholarly reading.

This is not going to be a traditional book review because you probably already know by the first sentence of my second paragraph whether or not you want to read this.  And for most people, the answer will be no (thanks in no small part to the fact that this IS a scholarly reading).

But this is an incredibly important piece of history.  Harvey Milk was murdered two years before I was born.  His assassin used the “Twinkie defense,” which was more literal than I had assumed.  He said that junk food caused him to go on his shooting spree, one that left Milk and the city’s mayor dead.  So that was two years before I was born.  Now, 34 years later, gay people can get married in the state where I live.

Is it fair to put all the praise for that on Harvey Milk’s shoulders?  No.  But he was out at a time when no one was out.  And as big a deal as it was when Ellen DeGeneres came out, it was so much more brave to do it when Harvey Milk did.  Ellen risked losing her livelihood; Harvey risked losing his life (and did).

Harvey Milk’s life and politics serve as a call to arms for all of us, but especially for those of us who are gay.  It’s still not 100% safe to be gay (it’s not 100% safe to be any minority because there are always going to be prejudiced people) but every time someone stands up and says they’re gay, it gets a little easier for everyone else.

And that was Harvey’s point.  Every time you tell people who you are, it becomes harder for them to discriminate against you.  I have friends who I know vote Republican but I also know they love me.  And I know that maybe every time they have a chance to vote, maybe they picture my sad face every time they vote for a politician who’s anti-gay.  Because they now know someone who will be affected by that person’s policies.  Is it naïve of me?  Maybe  But I also know for a fact that people’s hearts can change based on the fact that they know and love someone who’s gay.

And Harvey Milk was brave enough to be one of the first to stand up and be counted—not just in front of his family and friends, but his coworkers.  And then a community.  And then a city.  And then a nation.  You can’t overstate the bravery and importance of that.

Highly recommended.

And I’ll leave you with this, a clip of his most famous speech.

The Road Out

Finished The Road Out by Deborah Hicks.  I received a copy from the publisher on Edelweiss.

Deborah Hicks is a teacher in one of the poorest sections of the country (a neighborhood in Cincinnati).  She formed a loose sort of book club with some of her students and believes that books have the chance to improve lives.  (I am oversimplifying things.)

I first heard about this book on one of Stephen King’s best of lists at the end of the year and knew that I’d want to read this.  I also believe that books can save people, and love nonfiction books about books.

As a sociology minor, I believe wholeheartedly that people can be considered victims of their circumstances.  I don’t think that the girls featured in this book would want pity, and I certainly don’t pity them because I think they’re amazing people (especially Blair, who also loves Stephen King, but all of the girls are these tough-yet-sweet girls who I wish I could meet).  But I think that they faced a lot of obstacles that I didn’t have to, and I think that they would’ve definitely had an easier time of it if they had had more resources growing up.  Can you overcome those obstacles?  Of course.  But it takes a lot more work to go to college if you go to a public school that’s very underfunded and live in a neighborhood that has a huge drug problem.

This book also made me think of this group that my friend Bekki is involved in, Reading For Life.  They take a group of juvenile offenders and everyone reads the same book and then discusses it.  So far, almost everyone involved has turned their life around and I think that’s an amazing, inspiring thing.  (This is not a perfect comparison, as the girls in this book are much younger when we meet them initially, although by the end of the book, they’re grownups.)

Highly recommended—but be prepared to fall in love with these girls.

Saturday Night Widows

Finished Saturday Night Widows by Becky Aikman.  I received a copy from the publisher.

Becky Aikman was in her 40s when her husband Bernie died of cancer.  She tried going to a widow’s support group, but she was the youngest in the room (by a lot) and the experience was a lot more depressing than she wanted it to be, so she decided to start her own group.  She finally found five other women (friends of friends or acquaintances).  The experiences are all different (some of the deaths were sudden, some weren’t, and the women had been widows for different lengths of time) but they quickly became friends.

I’ve never been married so obviously I have no first-hand experience at being a widow.  But I do love books where people reinvent themselves and/or have adventures and I love books about friendship, so I was happy when this book came in the mail.

It was also the second book I read since my cousin died, and I think it was oddly enough a perfect choice.  This obviously wasn’t our relationship but there are some great parts about grief in there, as you would naturally expect there to be.

And while I would’ve expected a book full of the specter of death and missing people to depress the hell out of me, it really didn’t.  And it helped that while the women in the book were sad, they were also determined to not let that sadness define them.

But I think the most interesting part was the discussion of widows vs. widowers.  We always picture widows as being older, but that isn’t always the case.  And it definitely seems that men move on faster than women, at least in terms of getting back into relationships.  I think part of that is that men seem to find it easier to keep emotion out of it.  (Not speaking for all women, but that’s definitely something I struggle with.)

Highly recommended.

Faithful

Finished Faithful by Stephen King and Stewart O’Nan.

References to other books: The Shining and The Stand, plus mentions of The Dark Tower series and The Girl Who Loves Tom Gordon.

There’s no movie version, but you can see Fever Pitch with Drew Barrymore and Jimmy Fallon. Same Red Sox season and as a bonus, you can see Stephen King throw out the first pitch.

This is the second time I’ve read this book and, just like the first, it was very hard going for me.  There are basically two aspects to this book.  The first is a love letter to baseball, sometimes recounted in nearly an inning-by-inning fashion.  As you can imagine, these sections are almost impossible for me to read.

But the second part—oh, the second part!  That’s a love letter to obsession.  And that I can rally behind.  I don’t get people who love sports (although if forced at gunpoint to watch a sport, I’d probably pick baseball), but I figure most of them don’t understand why I’d willingly choose to re-read a prolific author’s entire body of work in one year (speaking of, now it’s two done and 66 to go!).

If you’re a baseball fan (or probably even a sports fan), you will love this book to the marrow of your soul.  If you’re like me, you will hate yourself a lot of the time you’re reading this.  I did. And then I realized that I’m just as obsessed as they are, just with different things.  It keeps me from getting too smug about the sports people. ;)

Evolving In Monkey Town

Finished Evolving in Monkey Town by Rachel Held Evans.

Earlier this year (in fact, just last month), I read her other book, The Year of Biblical Womanhood.  This one is even better, because it’s not based on a gimmick.  (Note: don’t take that to mean that I didn’t love The Year of Biblical Womanhood, because I did.  But it’s hard to compare the two, because they’re very different.)

With this book, Rachel Held Evans discusses her faith and how she reconciles the idea of a loving God with the idea that you can only get into heaven if you believe some very specific things.  (As in, how can you believe in a loving God if He’s also a God that would send Anne Frank, for example, to hell for not believing in Jesus?)

And as someone who went to religious schools—including a Bible college—that isn’t a good place to be.  In fact, it’s a very uncomfortable place to be.  It’s a scary thing when one of the things that you absolutely considered to be unshakeable turns out to be…well, very shakeable.

But Evans manages to work through it, and her rationale is very simple.  I’m paraphrasing but the general gist is that we have to believe that God is better than we are.  She quotes C.S. Lewis, who says something about how the way to God is through Jesus and that’s in the Bible.  But what isn’t in the Bible is whether you have to KNOW Jesus for Him to save you.  (She explains it better.)

But it touches on something that I often think about, which is that you can’t really judge God based on our own thoughts of what He must be like.  Because while, yes, the Bible was used to justify all kinds of horrible things, that’s not really God’s fault.  We interpret everything through the lens of our own experiences.

Highly recommended.